I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
