Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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