He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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