he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
