At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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