I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
