If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
