just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
