Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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