I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
