and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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