I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
