just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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