I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
