I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
