i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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