My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
