Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
