I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
