I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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