Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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