Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
