My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
