so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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