its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
