After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
