3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
