I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
