Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My ass is underappreciated
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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