FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
