if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
