You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
