this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
