the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
