Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
