Do vagina's smell?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
