I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
