So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
