I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
