So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
