Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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