if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
