Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
