I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
