I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
