im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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