Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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