I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
