he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
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