i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
