We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
