I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How naked do you want me to be?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
