exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
