I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
