Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Michael Bay diarrhea
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
