Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He kissed a someone with a penis
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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