Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
