I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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