the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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