I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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