It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
