they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
