Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can't put those talents on a resume
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
