but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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