i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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