I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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