What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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