shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
