my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
