Tell her she can't have a vagina
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
