i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
