If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this boner is exhausting
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
