I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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