Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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