i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
