I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
