Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
