I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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