I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
