the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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