he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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