WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
