My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
