If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
