I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
