Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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