At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
