So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
