Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Even my vagina gasped.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
