If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
