VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
