The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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