And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
