I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
