I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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