I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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