Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize