We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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