It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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