but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just want to make out with him forever
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
