This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
