All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
