Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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