just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You ruined the universe
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
