This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
