Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
