I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
