So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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