Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize