Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
